• Erin Griffith - Scooper extrodinaire

The Poop Spatula

So my pet velociraptor recently began relieving herself in the house despite being completely house trained.

Don't let her adorable fuzzy face fool you, she is a house pooping a peeing fiend. Now, I did take her to the vet and it turned out she had a bladder infection. So the problem has been mostly fixed. But the whole ordeal led to the invention of a few new tools.

Well, ok, I didn't "invent" them, but a really good business person, with a top notch marketing team could seriously con a whole bunch of people out of a whole lot of money.

So we had many piles of puppy poo to clean up and it was not always completely "solid" as it were. One of these piles was created literally four minutes before I had to walk out of the house to go to work. This meant that clean up had to be quick and clean so that I didn't end up with slimy puppy grossness on my work clothes. This led to the invention of the Poop Spatula.

Now, granted, this spatula was a wedding gift and has been with me for 14 years. It is a shiny Kitchen Aid spatula and it was the easiest one to get to because, I hardly ever use it...because it is so pretty. It is, or rather WAS, the spatula that I planned to use if the pope ever showed up and wanted pancakes. It was my "formal spatula."

Don't judge me...I know that most of you have entire sets of china that you never use and towels in your bathroom that you won't let the kids dry their hands on.

Anyway, so I grabbed my formal spatula and used it to scoop the doggie slime into a bag for disposal. My daughter came around the corner and gave her token "MO-OM!!" (2 syllables). I said, "What?! I'm obviously not going to make food with it NOW!"

So the spatula was cleaned and now lives in a plastic bag under my sink as the designated "poop spatula."

I mentioned earlier that I had to take the dog to the vet for her issues. Well the very nice lady who made the appointment told me that I had to secure a urine specimen from the dog. I asked her how this was usually done with female dogs? She said that people usually just slide a plastic container underneath their dog. This seemed problematic because June gets her butt like half an inch from the ground, which is not a lot of clearance.

The morning of the pee collection arrives. I have, as usual, not really thought about the whole thing until the moment the dog starts whining at the door to go out and pee. (I do my best work under pressure) I start running around my kitchen trying to find something that I can use to collect pee. I grabbed a couple of small containers and...a ladle. It is a small ladle shaped like the loch ness monster. (They came in a two-pack on Amazon).

I followed June outside and when she squatted, stuck the ladle underneath her butt. She gave me a look that said, "This is demeaning for both of us." And it worked like a charm! I collected a ladle full of first morning dog urine (the best urine according to the vet and most doctors). Of course, in the doorway is a smaller version of myself saying "MO-OM!!" (2 syllables).

"Well, I am obviously not going to cook with it again." I told her as I poured urine into a container and snapped the lid into place.

So the "Pee Ladle" now lives beside the "poop spatula" next to the Pet stain remover and carpet cleaning solution underneath the kitchen sink....clearly labeled.

Here's to finding other discusting uses for rarely used kitchen implements!


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