• Who else would it be, Mother Freaking Teresa?

I'm a bit hostile about door to door salespeople.

It started this summer while I was home with my children. Door to door salespeople began coming to our house VERY frequently. And I am not talking frequent like a couple of times a month or even a couple of times a week. No, I am talking EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. Sometimes they came as just one wide eyed college student from North Dakota selling books or a desperate sweaty gentleman, in a drenched dress shirt and tie, selling purple cleaners that he drinks to show that they are non toxic (without me daring him to for twenty takes the wind out of my sails...but saves me twenty bucks).

Sometimes one excited bushy-tailed college kid would be at my door and a uniform wearing security system salesman would be coming up the walk behind him - right on his heals. Don't even get me started on the swarms of red and blue polo shirt wearing Direct TV, Satellite, and Time Warner Cable Salespeople. I think it's because our neighborhood is new and full of families, so companies think "Hey, that nice neighborhood is full of credit card carrying suckas! Let's go there!"

While, I am immune to the salespeople, my husband has a weakness for them...reference the Rainsoft water softener incident of 2004 and the more recent Vivent Security system incident of 2016. He has been banned from answering the door ever; if he tries, he gets sprayed with a water bottle like a wayward cat. He then cowers away back to his workshop like Golem back to his cave.

So, it may be that I am a bit hostile about door to door salespeople. My hostility lead to one of my many summer projects...

I think it really gets the point across by being straight forward, humorous, and mildly threatening. I'm hoping that it makes them do that uncomfortable laugh where they find something funny, but also disconcerting.

Now, I know many of you are thinking...hey, those guys are just out there trying to make a buck like everyone else. And yes, you are correct, they are just regular Joes trying to make ends meet and put food on the table. But I think that their relationship with my neighborhood has reached stalker status. Whenever I drive in and I see people in matching shirts walking down the sidewalk, I will drive right past my own house and take a nice tour of our neighborhood until they have left my street-and this happens more often then you would think.

All I have to say is that I am thankful that fall and winter are coming and that I am back to work so that all the salespeople get to confront is my mildly hostile sign.


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