• Erin Griffith

Shorty's Mountain Dew

So during the hour and a half that I have to wait for my daughter to finish her ballet and tap dancing classes, I do a lot of people watching. On this particular wednesday, I just happened to be watching an adorable 3-ish year old (who I will call "Shorty").

Shorty's mom wears the same set of scrubs (hot pink top and black bottoms) and matching sneakers every time I see her. She has impeccable hair and make up. As soon as she sits down, she immediately becomes completely enthralled by her cell phone, making no attempt to socialize...ever. Never speaking to Shorty or Shorty's older brother. Shorty is a small carbon copy of her mother...impeccably dressed and coiffed. **as a side note, Shorty's older brother has large eyes that give him a perpetual "deer in the headlights" sort of look that you only see on a boy who has 3 younger sisters.

On this day, Shorty became thirsty and removed a full 20 oz bottle of Mountain Dew from her mother's purse. She removed the cap by herself, which indicates that Shorty has either incredible hand/finger strength or frequently removes caps from 20 oz bottles of soda (or both). She then proceeded to chug the ENTIRE 20 OUNCES OF MOUNTAIN DEW in less than 3 minutes.

At this I was torn. My mommy side was all judgmental and was like "Oh my gawd, I cannot believe that a mother would allow her toddler to drink mountain dew, let alone 20 ounces of it! The high fructose corn syrup laced horror!" The former sorority girl/frequent frat party attendee was very impressed, cheering her on like "Chug! Chug! Chug!"

Shorty recapped the empty bottle and slid it, with a confidence only reserved for spies like James Bond, back into the exact spot in her mother's purse.

For the next half hour, she sat, seemingly unaffected by the huge amount of caffeine and sugar that she had just ingested. I could not help imagine what would happen to my own little princess if she had sucked down that much mountain dew. I figure that we might have to tie her down like the girl in the exorcist and call an old priest and a young priest; or, attach her to the front of my jeep and let her pull us home. Considering that we let her have a handful of semi-sweet chocolate chips one time and she literally did laps around the living room while singing and talking constantly until two in the morning; that amount of caffeine would be almost nightmarish.

Bottom line: Shorty, I am both impressed and horrified but you will be awesome at parties someday.


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